HOLD



i am a scared little boy
throwing a fit
at my old god
my parents
or some artificial idea
of what love is
what i think i need
or want
i dunno
i can't just make me work
i can't just say honest things
i am terrified
i think about when i will die
soon is all i can say
i don't believe me
i am going to shave my head
because i don't care
i am going bald
i had my teeth knocked out
when i was 13
my chest hurts because i have been smoking
for too long
i spit blood sometimes
i am probably 50 lbs overweight
that is so much
but i am still half my father
half his sad terrible life
i want to start running
i want to be beautiful
i want to live forever
i dunno
i'm just writing
to calm myself down
i just want to stop
wanting to cry
everytime i open my mouth