FAT


i blew
out my
trousers
today
i am swollen
can feel the more of me lifting
breast meat
best cut
vest tuck of fur
i have 9 lbs of hair on my head
the more you search inside me
you find
tar
pits
dinosaur sticks
i am making myself naked
for your
eyes
globe
the water i pour out onto the ground
sidewalks &
what pac s'd
he never
but this is me
searching
a waste
thin as paper
something i poem on
the filler makes my brittle pipes
but i can bounce high
off the concrete
i can grow too
w/ worthless drops
falling from my forest
you are not drunk
i feel
flight
she burns the sugar in my blood
for me
once ever
there are no words on my body
but it says everything on me
filling out my work attire
doubling over in human suit
my biggest size is my father's size
he too is almost expired
as if i know anything
about time
what i spent
looking at your arm next to me
it is silly
to just sleep
forever
when i last saw you
see my toes when i stand
my boozy blindness
my hazy forget all
when i am shaping
i am a cube
that is new & won't fit
& neat
made of cow or corn or potato patch
i am a candy factory
i am swallowing sweet cream
is air
is my hair hiding enough of me
can you see where i am at all the time
surrounded by glass
i smoke
i quit smoking
i smoke
i quit smoking
i say over and over as years roll
my pockets full of lost dollar bills
your face moving towards me
i saw sunrise
again
or my words from whenever i last wrote a poem for you
but my first fat poem
my first poem abt this thing that i didn't think abt
what it costs
how short my life will be going forward
it is just a day
before i see you
it is just like any other day
where there is wind or water or grass or nothing
dry throat trying to take down drugs
bc i am somebody
looking for something
& see
the ocean
when i am floating
or surfing
i just love
water
in & around & through me
like blood i guess i am saying
or just trying to remember every single second that i did not forget
in cloud
in lies that are also true
because i exist
no matter my diameter
the moon still circles me
the ants still worship my thundering stomps
i am destroyer
i am a sack of lucky beans
put them in the dirt
& leave
i absorb vitamins from vitamins
i am surprised i have not grown horns
just plump buffalo w no horns
thudding through the rice lakes
highlands of western Nebraska
i used to Church
i used to be a shadow
i used to eat dead animals before they died
or i was a vicious monster
i am a tiger
made of tree bits
i am sorry i cannot go to your party in New York City
i am sorry i can dig lakes
i am quoting fake humans
i am singing abt fire
bubbling ocean of my skinny cage
i am meat i shout
at nobody
i am trying to pretend
my less than green is enough
who am i
fool
a swimmer
man o man o man o
you really gotta clean bite out of my neck
i hope it is safe
chew me
i am an evolving animal
a pet to the universe
a pig
snort in the mud
this is what i look like
a poem
living happily in its own shit