work poem



if people couldn't see me cry at work
if people didn't know i wasn't stoned
you make me feel like a weak fool sometimes
i am sad and alone on earth sometimes
people i work w/ expect me to be able to joke w/ them
bc sometimes i am good at jokes
but sometimes i am crying and doing my job
and i tweeted a bunch abt love
i never said i loved you
i want to throw a broken bookshelf out the window
i want to ban myself for life
from everything
i took two free sandwiches from the breakroom
i ate half of one and threw the rest away
i am not hungry i just thought something free
would be nice
i am a weak fool i am lost in what day it is
i am not high right now and it makes me feel
like a falling weight
like what if i was in a plane w/ my father
and the plane was going down
and my father tried to make up for everything
he has done to me before we crashed into earth
i would not listen to him
i would go hide in the bathroom
i would take the last parachute
and throw it out the door
is the door open??
are we getting sucked into the atmosphere
what is breathable??
why am i sucha  weak fool sometimes??
i mean its all the time
i build up these muddy walls around my heart
i think maybe i am too cool for some people
i think maybe i am smart
and i am good at poetry
but usually i think i am a piece of shit
i am happy when people remind me
i feel like an asshole when i think anything good
about me
i have never saved anyones life
this girl i liked in highschool who liked my older brother
and probably several other guys was talking to me
about killing her self on yahoo instant messanger
and idk i felt good for talking to her
i felt good that she didnt kill herself
i kissed her in the back of my parents lincoln town car
in the garage
my brother came out to the garage idk
she asked me to prom when i was a sophmore
and i thought that was cool but it made my /bestfriend
really mad he wanted to fight me bc he loved her??
he also loved her younger sister??
man what the fuck am i doing
i dont sleep w anyone
and that sucks i guess idk
i can't wait to get high
or fall again
i am already tired of the summer
i want to leave this city
go to some other city
go to the country
go to the mountains
cover myself in redclay
shout at the moon until i die