HOLD ME 


i am awake
smoking a cigarette by the window
listening to rain and city
thinking i need more
and it makes me weak
i am curled in a bathtub w the water slowly filling
i am a memory of fireworks
the feeling after when you wonder
how excited you were for a brief
moment when there were bright lights
and the explosion
i am a secret because i feel pain inside me
that nobody understands
like im just you
like i can be healed by pills
or a come back to me in my cave
w a glowing stone
say there is sunshine somewhere for me
but i look out over foggy chicago
crying in my brain
think maybe if i am a dead walker
fill my lungs w poison water
i will cough until you wake up
and bite through my bones
i say stop
but you dont stop
and now i am nothing but food
for dogs and dead rats buried in the backyard
i want to be on a plane to space
i want to jump out the window 
w a parachute and float there until
i see what im really living in
before my blood boils 
or whatever happens to you
out there