FOR PAUL AND THE PEOPLE WHO TOUCH HIS CHEST
i begin to understand why i love you before my brain quits working
i don't like nicknames
but she can call me whatever she wants
she can call me paul or ira or karate as long as she leans up
& kisses me again
or is she or is she or is she
the pronouns are fucked up here
i'll say i miss ellie pegler
i'll say there are a cool million drunks in this bar
or these dogs just beg the same
i'll say i can't even say
or that i remember details of everything
the way she paused
or i'm running away by just being here
but i'm laying on the floor awake all night the way my dad used to
my ribs are broken
i think my chestbrain leaped out
my heart read a book abt running
my life is almost a romcom but it's just funny
the way my nerves fuck up everything i do
like wearing socks in my boat shoes the last night i saw her
or letting it rain
but when she touched my chest
i hit the spacebar a few times
can't even say that grin or that devil or that beautiful lady
sings songs in my liver
builds mountains of poems for surfing up purposes
i never finished that short story about that room i wasn't in
i never finish anything
except poems
i can't even quit quitting
or begin to quit without picking up another nose candy
or blow my chest brains out with car parts
he ran me over man
i guess that's karma
i guess i said i deserve this crushing
but i can't sleep now i'm just sitting here writing a poem
with entourage season one playing
but it's not even playing it's just the menu
& that's what i mean
that's why i almost moved to brooklyn w/o thinking
because if i think
a big white jeep will crush my rib cage
if i think
i'll miss small moments with you
if i think the universe becomes enormous
& i might forget where you are
i might not see you again for a very long time
i might start writing nothings to bury my knees in mud
or think i need to be more silly
or think i need to rap more explicitly
or think 239 twitter followers aren't enough
or think these pills won't last the weekend
or drinking might actually make me sad
or you leaving and me staying is scary
or that i love everyone who touches me
i never meant the body
in all my poems with all these bodies
i never meant it literally
i mean it
i begin to understand why i love you before my brain quits working
i don't like nicknames
but she can call me whatever she wants
she can call me paul or ira or karate as long as she leans up
& kisses me again
or is she or is she or is she
the pronouns are fucked up here
i'll say i miss ellie pegler
i'll say there are a cool million drunks in this bar
or these dogs just beg the same
i'll say i can't even say
or that i remember details of everything
the way she paused
or i'm running away by just being here
but i'm laying on the floor awake all night the way my dad used to
my ribs are broken
i think my chestbrain leaped out
my heart read a book abt running
my life is almost a romcom but it's just funny
the way my nerves fuck up everything i do
like wearing socks in my boat shoes the last night i saw her
or letting it rain
but when she touched my chest
i hit the spacebar a few times
can't even say that grin or that devil or that beautiful lady
sings songs in my liver
builds mountains of poems for surfing up purposes
i never finished that short story about that room i wasn't in
i never finish anything
except poems
i can't even quit quitting
or begin to quit without picking up another nose candy
or blow my chest brains out with car parts
he ran me over man
i guess that's karma
i guess i said i deserve this crushing
but i can't sleep now i'm just sitting here writing a poem
with entourage season one playing
but it's not even playing it's just the menu
& that's what i mean
that's why i almost moved to brooklyn w/o thinking
because if i think
a big white jeep will crush my rib cage
if i think
i'll miss small moments with you
if i think the universe becomes enormous
& i might forget where you are
i might not see you again for a very long time
i might start writing nothings to bury my knees in mud
or think i need to be more silly
or think i need to rap more explicitly
or think 239 twitter followers aren't enough
or think these pills won't last the weekend
or drinking might actually make me sad
or you leaving and me staying is scary
or that i love everyone who touches me
i never meant the body
in all my poems with all these bodies
i never meant it literally
i mean it
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