wish i was as cool as someone


i shook all over at the black jack table
you can hear my oldest bones breaking
if you put your ear down the the green felt table
i will say
i am not dying
because
i cannot
spend
i
am dying
because i am spent
and your eyes look up at my silly cowardice
like i am some kind of wounded monster
slowly cooking from the inside
the smell of
my organs
is gross
and your mouth drops open
losing control
you
sink