age of aging

i don't know who speaks in a mouthing
a minor radiation storm
the heat reaching three thousand degrees on my face
and hands
shhh
there is hidden water under the earth
or in camels, which are amazing

i cannot fly up

feel the sun expanding, does it
scar my pale neckline,
can i even forget that i am baking
or see the person
that has been here for over a number of years
and counting

you say we are normal
that the flames on our faces are normal
my lips and muscles and sex drive decay in front of me
in a normal way

damned if i'm damned
if i don't, still damned i guess
feel myself trying to hold onto my self as if i can die
before im thirty
or if this death of mine would really matter to me
the frightening thought of who i am losing who i am

tells god to die
am i
going to test my own nothing.