april

trim my nails for me, the toes
i'm moving to get away from you
all to silence myself.
i told you the sun would expand
came out of nowhere, there was nothing
hanging heat in the sky,
not enough water in the ocean
to put out a star,
too much chaos banging
from beneath us.
i told you i wouldn't bake,
told you i would save someone.
but there are too many, too many
ways to save myself.
my love will hold me accountable for hate
or the violence inside of me
that i cannot show.
blasting drums beneath the face of earth
you do not have to hate me
to hate me.
my smile does not mean i am alive.