follow
my winter beard flutters toward
your cunning snow steps
diagonal zig and retrace
or does the heat
wonder where all the cold goes
the wood begins to die,
ash is not what i am filled with
i am a child
stop your sad look
you look at me as if i forgot something
as if i was meant to zag in the snow
to get lost
3 comments:
cunning snow steps makes me think of "cunning linguist" or "cunnilingus" in a terrible way. stop it. or fully commit. if that's where you're hinting. //stop your sad look is sort of nice but i think it would be better separated from the line that follows it. I ENJOY BOTH A LOT but they are too similar together. my first inclination was to cut "stop your sad..." but i think just separate them, so "you look at me..." is a continuation of "stop your sad.." instead of right next to. i don't know about the ending. i'm commenting as if this is wg. don't get mad at me like paul does. i drank a lot of wine. butary.
Sigh...
I'm not really sure why poets don't think other poets can handle their own poetry.
Rachael, you're making a common error perpetuated by years and years of bullshit workshop experience. Workshopping a poem shouldn't ever be editing another poet's poem. This breeds sameness--the exact thing those rallying against the workshop model have rightly come out against. This idea that we should be giving our input into what a poem should be doing and how a poem should be doing it is tired.
The only concerns workshopping a poem should have are WHAT a poem is doing and HOW a poem is doing it. Poets make conscious decisions about their poems for reasons. If it accomplishes WHAT the poet set out to accomplish, why should the poet change it because another poet doesn't like it? If the poem does not accomplish WHAT the poet set out to do, HOW a poem works will help direct the poet to make THEIR decision about how to change it. Let's have faith in one another. Please?
i was all, ooo 2 comments. im not sure what you are saying about the cunnilingus because it has nothing to do with what i am saying. i used the word cunning on purpose. the snow steps are what the whole poem is about. i should go back and put punctuation in the last two stanzas perhaps.
i wont get mad, i am happy to see comments on mah blog! especially now that i am living my new positive lifestyle.
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