so i have been having all these thoughts on ideas of things that i think about/about disappearing with no trace or maybe traces but tricky traces. there are things like getting a new phone number and not really telling anyone what it is. changing names or changing names. im making this sound stupid so it sounds stupid. when i say i might change my name it seems the common reaction is that its a stupid idea. i dont see why. why should i feel confined to the person i am based on a name that was given to me before i could argue for something else. and the last name. family ties really dont seem all that important to anyone in my family on a surface level so why would a name as the most surface of surfaces be important. that people know i am related to my uncle bill or that i kind of look like uncle rick. his name is rick. i think. see i really dont know my own family that well. i was asked to go to a wedding for a cousin that i have no idea what his name is. ben i think. ben is not a good name, i would change it. then there is grad school which i assume i might actually go to eventually. i was thinking of getting in and not actually telling anyone and then moving. with my new name and new phone number unlisted i would virtually disappear i think. that would be pretty fascinating. but again there are people who would just say thats stupid. some people might say because so many say its stupid that its cool in some romantic disappearing act bull crap. i dont know. i just think its a good idea. but then again i rarely have good ideas especially the ideas that come to fruition, or technically never come to fruition but maybe do. hmm. the thing with the name changing is that i dont know if i want to be in full control of my name because that employs too much inward ego narcisisism and the like. plus i dont want to take up one of the many kewl names that i would like to name all of my children, some 15 bastardized mini me's.