I DREAM IN PAINTING


never say no time delay heaven is words
to be solid i am holding your hand 
as i dangle my body
off a windy cliff in idk germany
what is this building you grab me in the morning
say NO WE DON'T but you asleep
i am washing the darkness off my teeth
it goes gusty for the gulls from the west
called me to listen to their trashy diet
the thud of my down a small rock from space
billowing dust of all these things here
i am on a swing or you are swinging
my hands on your back
how do you know i am not a tiger
the size of pleasure on rained skin
warm me
in my water home a float master
calm as an arrow
they say??
i am dancing
watch my blood jiggle
find sleepy blond messages
slipped into my beard
i believe in you in the desert
thrashing in your sleep
call me darling
pull me into the brush of color
adding me and me and me is here
for you to grasp in a fever
whisper from an inch away
i have reached my limit
for being so far from you
and move closer
breathing heavy not because i will
eat you whole
i mean i wont
but call me tiger
as i sprint thru some bavarian valley
collecting every flower i can find
sleep in a hotel bed
or the ground
there is snow high up where we won't go
or are going
tell me what is flooding you
i will love every moment
your mouth moves over
my body a disaster a toothless smile
pressed against glass
counting the price of death and loneliness
as if i have it near me
swallow each globe as we surf the universe
on our backs or curled and twisted
to one body under a car roof
fucking and whiskey and my first
cigarette is a poem for you you you
i am writing home is a monster
i want to know where
the line washes away
stand on mountain i mean
i am a stand on the mountain top and yell
jeg elsker dig!!!!!!!!
out the bones of what i can shout until my
lungs flatten out against you
tears all over my face
because this is so beautiful
the destruction of storms w. i would
stand anywhere under an umbrella
press face into face
until they call us a laughter

NBCSMS


walk funny
mixing blood w. the aerth
she wishs there were no atomic bombs dropped
i put a hat on
call strangers say to them i want to see
live here w. me
you are a sunrise
i want to kiss your eyes until you are looking
so far into my body
i dont even know whats down there
tell her how i am feeling
hold me
sometimes i wash what i dont need to clean
lay still in a pool in the early 90s
thinking abt one day
when i will kiss you after the bars
i am wearing layers
you smelled like green peppers
or they were there
there was just us in a room
and you looking into me
like a wanted thing
alive in a world
i am living on a world w. all of these reasons
stand in rain
i put on my best shoes to eat dinner
w. your parents
i want to be hugged until the end of time
where are you where are you
my brain is a canyon
i learned to swim
swam to the bottom of all of it
to touch your hand
save you anywhere
even if i cant

there is ice


i crash
started smoking in winter
bc i don;t know how to stop sliding
watch you in my brain
in the outside of me
i am wasting wine
there is a sink in every room
i swallowed so many pills in pilsen
my father used to mock me
for mumbling
until i would cry in publick

SHAVED 



naked
pound of rib hums precious wax
mind out of me nuzzle vegetable
grow i am a rainy day
leap from swing unconcious
push me drunk into sky
never come down
are you waiting on an island
draw my face in the beach
with a stick
dream of turtle eggs

times


thought i would start smoking
cigarettes in the morning
by the cold window
in chicago
you wrote
close
w red lipstick again again
i saw it closed once
before i smoked one
 you were asleep and i felt
 like i was falling down
stairs or wondered
what was down there

LINGER ON YR



tell her
she is beautiful and i cant keep looking
for long periods of time
(?)

i want to drown in yr
body
make it a home

eat the entire forest
stuff me w
magic sticks you find

if i could kiss you
instead of breathing

tell her i love you
in a poem and read
the poem to her
and say i love you
and then write her
a poem and do other things
to make her happy
idk

i am looking at yr lips
and thinking abt
other planets
and places
w/o light

if you see her

tell her her winter touch
i am all rite
and i go the sno melt o!
say i love her
100x
 and my eyes are near days
of years of time whatever
exists between
she touches
my skin
my mouth wide as any ocean
that could swallow armies
  and bring me to my wandered
  bay

DOUBLE VISION

im not scared of
i wish
i was beautiful i can be vowel
oh
tell me
how water falls are worth
standing under
be cold w me
wear my coat
i am an escape to other
need to see
where i am going
not in a hammock feeling wine drunk
smoking 2 year old weed
in your childhood treehouse
i mean i am
teleporting thru my blood
to be in my dreams of you always
a painting of the way
and i can go thru any tunnel
i slap onto the side of mountains
with magical paint

THE GENIE OF ROCK FALLS


i am asleep my body i dont know
who it is
i wish i could get away fr
ummm
my ankles itch i have been waering the same socks
all weekend
i acted like a child i guess im still young
i wished too at the toys r us on n 27th
before both my grand parents died
and i got like 6 grand and bought a gold volvo
and several bottles of nice whiskey
i drove drunk a lot
i really thought that my life was improving

HOLD ME 


i am awake
smoking a cigarette by the window
listening to rain and city
thinking i need more
and it makes me weak
i am curled in a bathtub w the water slowly filling
i am a memory of fireworks
the feeling after when you wonder
how excited you were for a brief
moment when there were bright lights
and the explosion
i am a secret because i feel pain inside me
that nobody understands
like im just you
like i can be healed by pills
or a come back to me in my cave
w a glowing stone
say there is sunshine somewhere for me
but i look out over foggy chicago
crying in my brain
think maybe if i am a dead walker
fill my lungs w poison water
i will cough until you wake up
and bite through my bones
i say stop
but you dont stop
and now i am nothing but food
for dogs and dead rats buried in the backyard
i want to be on a plane to space
i want to jump out the window 
w a parachute and float there until
i see what im really living in
before my blood boils 
or whatever happens to you
out there

MDMA

PILSEN

red letter day unlocked
white man ran mexican mile
know the bus so park in another
neighborhood doesnt take

an hour if sober w ultimatums 
abandoned entertaiemt system
in the alley sure
someone will snatch
but ok
i regret eating few hundred mg of
pills on the table
take a picture of you smiling
next to me
fighting a memory making
turns me into ooze you
rip out the throat

of any passing stranger

but that was

a long time ago

dumbass

walk two to 3'blocks here 
we are leggs pump

iowa 2013

blasting drake in elizabeths car so 
loud she turned it down
the traffic is garbage
i travel back to the 90s you
s'd it was 1999
but i don't remember you then
early 80s and well into my adult boyhood
or so i called it
i mean i was a very small river
some would refuse my 
name it is so stupid you saw
the hole in my shorts
im just an excuse
to see tears for
some of these fake moose sculptures
i yell stoned from the passenger seat
dolphin sounds
i mean i am actually cliking like
a dolphin or 
i fell in love w a color tv when i found
scrambled porn in 5th grade
cried in the closet holding on to the cat
my parents made us give away
he used to lay on my face when i was sleeping
and i loved him too

TREE POEM

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ALONE
I AM AFRAID OF FIRE
EVEN MORE THAN ANIMALS WHO CAN RUN AWAY FROM IT
 

MOONPIX

her magic hand lungs my key
ripcage opens to lock
a silly soulguy im just feeling blu
here in my shining
moonbase i can see earthjobs
i miss kissing you on the mouth
while im getting paid to deth
feeling darkness hug me no this is dark
place around my asleep body
is next 2 u
in the water we can't see showering
after allnight against me
it's so weird what we think is sexy
the smell of you unwashed
long into the day after day after
i want to dance w you
let you know where my hips are
when there is no light
nibble on yr ear from behind
say i love you
but you don't hear me
so i say it again
we are mntns
climbing each other
we go shoop
into the sky like flying humans
 

OWN THAT SHIT

jung pup howl at  a moon is
like she can hear my arf
the dogging ear
barking up wrong   who is a tree

these days
i stand w/ a wait for my life
to be touched     my mossy over
side or climb and   cut me down

whet my worst dullblade
ouch in the shed of ancient weapon
it tickles

call out
TOUCH ME
I KNOW YOU LOVE ME

we
but, whatever... and time.... cash
out selling my sellout life trail of
weepy alone in the solo apt drinking
a nice midshelf whiskey and tap
craft beer for company
please keep me
cold in the icebox singing
blue weezer

my slow simmmer she says a sun must
be near but i know
who is glowing inside this globe of bone blue
kept at a distance bc
bc
bc
bc
and then what
swallow
an ocean???
 

LET ME KNOW


look at me (irl)
             hello sidewalk hello jealousy face in the alley
           smoke joint and marlboro
   taste jameson w ice
 i am a nectar
grow beard back i shaved bc i loved you when it hurt me
   to feel so scared
on a branch on a faded light of deadness in dark places
haha
   where do i put my hands
        yes yes i love
touching your body my hands hurricane across your
everglades better glacier eyes or what i can't see
behind  a stupid memory
 the hurt past of who we are is not who we are
    i love this now
        hold you in your car covered in red leaves
    fog the glassthat covers
  this silly planet we die on
i;m not ready still
    i need more time to be twisted root
   tree that lives for over a century
   i keep climbing myself
   hoping i can find your face in everything i see

diary poem

way to do w the weteyes
prepared all the tears my heart is half full and tired
moon knows who i am even if i don't look
at the sky an empty distance
me to you this a new night how i sleep
when warm body
a warning i would split my ribs for love
put a candle for you in lungs
to know which window i am
see through my weakness
surprise w the light behind yr eyes
i forget a healing pull of waves inside my ocean
show you what tide covers
small living stars pools of fish we catch w our hands
i don't know where i am going  to be
holding onto you and closing my mouth
around the salt and broken

blood

it turns black
almost draw bite deep in me
let it
i mean i was going to write abt blood
there ws  a stain of me
on the sidewalk for years
but they tore it up
i am not dead
i am going w/ elizabeth to a french restaurant
in chicago
i can taste it too
s'd i like red wine and i do
stomped on a broken bottle
the glas went thru my shoe and the doctor
s'd they didn't get it all out
i don't map
my lost blood
it doesn't taste like a raw steak
i'm just slowly vampirising myself
i used to be so proud
of no broken bones
like you ask paul what his favourite liquid is
or it's water
i mean blood is water
it's in my brain too
but i can't see it there

concussed


here i will keep you
pound grey until the bus crash
who hit me
i am sorry i pushed you in the street
i don't remember
i keep saying
i don't remember
please hold my head in your arms
i cry
how much farther can i fall
my feet are the great pyramids crumbling
you take too many pictures
of art
she can't keep going
like this with
flashing bulb
high beam against the fog
i can't see i mean
gulf
was i asleep
in your car
dreams abt a roll in a ditch
holler as you wish
but long like a prince
always confused
by the successful poor
my neck is leaking
let me go spit blood in the sink before
i mean i am
writing a poem abt my brain
maybe i do dream
maybe my dad is real
my wet face
is not a muddy river
i've never even been down the mississippi
she blues me
sing i can't sing underwater
in an airplane over
gets high
puts price on own head
i am a headhunter looking for skull poems
to shrink
wrap me in yr kisses
i want to say darling until yr ears umbrella my throat
look at me say
soft bruise
boy is an afterthought i forget to not worry so much
i feel alone even when i am not
i know
i remember what you s'dd
i am flying
get my license to do anything i can do w/ my busted winger
scars for fingers
when they mock a tree for losing it's leaves
i break foundation stone w my rumbling man voice
i
am
a
tree
climb me and nest by my lopped head
guillotine'd or how i say
a hidden knife put my sleep away
don't sharpen
the body
i might cut myself down
sink to the bottom of the ocean holding my breath
it is a sea
i am a tiny blue whale she sings
don't dive so deep
and scoops the clouds away from my eyes

human poem

im eating almonds
imeatingalmonds im eatingalmonds
i ran into cole pfeiffer (sp) at barley st tavern
last night i didnt recognize him
and then i felt bad
i am an asshole
i am scared of other humans
i have a diet dr pepper bc my gf said
diet dr pepper has more caffei

i am a stupid human


i cry
never forget buildings fall down
people hate
its monkey eat banana this way
i can climb trees
raptors open doors and they want to eat anything
that bleeds
who trusts a crazy void god
melt dumb gold
swallow poison bc we will die
happy thanksgiving
i am usually drunk  on holidays
im sad rn
and i dont really know why
there is hair on some of my body
i blame my asshole father for
a lot of things
fear is a weapon
i think
people are really fucked up
i think thinking is a
 

forget


never is ago my mind travel
think time is a fucked up invention
for dead things (brain)
ever expanding skull she slips
hands thru my licked eyes
forehead kiss me into

SPIT


I AM A DIRTY SIDEWALK
#NEVERFORGET MY MENTAL DISORDERS
ARE AN INSIDE JOB
hello, government plz
don't fucking tell me what to do
im sorry JOB
for all my POT SMOKING
im a scared monkey crawling on space rock
thinking what the fuck can i do
to avoid JAIL TIME
TIME IS A PRISON isabox i can make believe
you are an airplane
these are statues of capitalism that wants the poor
to stay that way
insane is just
a crime
Barack Obama can't stop racism
killing every white mother fucker wont end racism
changing the washington redskins to some dumb animal
that we are going to kill anyway wont end racism
i just wanna sleep until i cant sleep
and then sleep forever - kurt cobain
didn't say that he shot his face off
rip
and i am in love so shout at the god damn weather
why dont you open up wide
let the sky rain firey rocks into our brains
dumb monkey
here isa  poem for me i am in the dark
i am afraid afraid afraid of why i can't deal w/ how it hurts me

no sleep poem


well
here is my love letter
i'd say
"AFRAID OF BLAH BLAH"
justy does it i mean work
or this is death as a feeling
not the end
of earth if i were god
and so what
here i am the god of this dweam
stay awake until i die
she says
is a way
i will never ride a roller coaster i tell you
w/ my mouth nibbling at your ear
in morse code
this is my secret
the dumb egg didn't even need his shell
i want to kiss you
in front of people traveling thru germany
say it in german
like i learn
it's so garble rubbing rams horns against
my favourite tree
showing fresh rings
i didn't even know i could grow fruit
these berries just  popped up
staining my hands
looking at you down a long well lit hallway
 

MY FALL BACK FROM CRAZY LAND IS THE PURE VOID


blueberryredbull is bla bla i am so above the dusty mirror
yes the sleep is my heart always killing itself until kyle does
or my dad tries again bc i
murdered him
i am a buddhist
built into a field of windmills sucking energy from movement
the suck of gravity
the suck of my flaccid stupid
in a comfortable bed i didnt write that drake did but i am
the fucking god of my silly broosed brain
she seas in sane weather few miles up beach from miami
welcome to my dollface
chewing marbles of pain w/ my childhoood
i don't talk to the dead
i can't kiss kyle on the forehead since he has grown like a short tree
he has fruit and their is so much music in blood
that we can see the colors of love
as if it was sweating globs of a smiling moon from our dialated eyes
please i am pills for breakfast this is so used i am bending
in what they call wind
i guess the earth is moving but i can't seem to find the edge
the iced white walls decorated w shoe smashed spiders
you save me even w/ my useless body open w/ wounds and love
for you as much as my human body can do this
chemicals and i see you it is a pretend
to say i am not afraid of dying
i say i am not a buddhist
i am a buddhist
gods blasted away my ovaries before i was born
this is a story of who my lost family

this is not a secret


talk to me abt the dark place
where it is before i know i wont sleep again
i am you and taking these pills
drinking flavored energy drinks
i am so at home running my hands over your head
i miss you as soon as you step away
and i know i disappeared
it was selfish of me to hide
because i felt unwanted
i can't say the bruises on my brain
cause me to act this way
my eyes are dragons having conversations with themselves
you know??
i want to see your face right now
i want to kiss your hip
twisting our bodies
until rock is nothing
the air we used to breathe is all gone

LISTENING TO CLOSE TO ME BY THE CURE A SONG I SAID I WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITES AND WRITING A SECRET POEM THAT I WILL SHARE W STRANGERS


sometimes i hold my breath to change the reactions inside
a lung a pink think getting pinker as the setting curve
of your body pressed up against my face i want to kiss your hips
until there is nothing but our tangled bodies
floating through what we perceive as time our skin turns
moon to new pull away my expanding heart for you
taking in what air is closest to your skin my love for you
is a spacesuit as i

zoo bar w liz wednesday october 11pm

spending my bank account on moderate pours of jameson
lets go to europ i yell over the dj spins
you kiss me and it is all i want but everywhere
going to copenhagen by the mountain goats
was going to snort blow w john darnyelle what ever his name is
name this
moment im sorry i didnt come
over and eat all your ice cream why didnt you
just kiss me
i am loud whispering w my wide mouth
i love you lets sleep in
lets go to chicago and rub our feet up each others legs
i am drunk and stoned
i love you

it could be done better


death before
*loud harmonica*
 i am aware of the time i see future in my sweating
whats the sun then so chill i shiver
skinfur she slices thru a smoothness
princess nightfox or does the tip toe thru midnights
clutter speck eye where the twitching
is only for a few lifetimes
i can spell the credits i mean spill enuf water
over blood that it is just water now
create something better for my lovers lifetime
when money is worthless
and the smoke goes out winters window
i can be a better nothing
see the wilderness in my thrust
shape the bed where i'm gone
each moment is new here
where my eyes find you
finding my lost face
in the tall grass

GOLDIEOCTOPUS


maw watch my teeth saw
rubber udder a me does good bounce
evil fume off back back smokebomb
tank track soft sand watch washed stone
fall land take a bath in a gooey of loose
jellies zap my kiddy limbs
clean in the gold i stay paralyzed
in sunshine

COPENHAGEN


who hasn't collected shark teeth on the beaches of den--
mark my skinmap a whiplash scar is scratch
on ecstasy party in the "bad part of town" shits so safe
i could spend a million dollars on illicit drugs
pop the pockets off w/ pants nobody wears them
here we can be a relationship earlier than we planned
im time traveling to new new me future you and we
are sleeping on trains swallowing valium or whatever
its like we ghost thru ghostland auf deutch bahn-
bon voyoyovyvanse in my get up and carry you like
fire fire a fainted painted pretty mountain dangling in the lake
where we saw a moose or we talk in wyomingese abt the
meese we see them all rubbing neck manes and knocking
their headgear like east going west going zax trains on
trickle down effect of my get here to there im in
denmark for a few days i night myself way down the
rivers w beautiful names i was born and asleep in the
mississippi when you came to take me away from blister
of egypt winter im naked kissing away from the sun
caught red burned no thats clay pigment dusty ocean
justy owes the government his goverment jokes like
whoa where did all this schooling take me a wave
a new space age where i bleed for trains to take me
to prague but i mean it was prague i cant say how they
say it in nebraska thats where im from oh ask me ask me
to show you where my houses were i said i moved 22 times
by 29 but my life is lies within lies i am lying in a bed
w/ you the only blonde i dew on grassy plain a figure
ate the shadow i left burned into sandy beaches where
was i i said if we were in florida rn it would be beautiful
weather i just rememeber the drive thru pines w my grand-
pa when he took his grandkids to the circus and we could
have anything my mind was so small and poor and easily
thrilled w gifts or love or whatever attention i could store
in my memory schmemory shes a god-- shes a kyle craw
shes paul reading poems alone to his phone and sending them
to me i listen while taking a shit at this house i am staying in
so roam me so hold me on the train from where omg i rem--bleh
i tweeted somethin soemthin brain to copenhagen i was
just saying i love you and this is what i am excited for? i mean
yes but its w/ you a darling a denmark my neck a neck
for you tattoo the outline of some mapped area i' been in
for awhile a wander a found treasure she kisses my face
til i feel underseas its a gulf i mean the pelicanish brown
wavy texas mouth says stay away from the south of here
these american cities can smell your fear they thick w
it rains so rarely but in florida it rained every day i dream
my grandfather was still alive for some time he said
i could get anything i wanted so i chose a plastic sword
not bc i liked killing or even the sight of blood tho its something
i spot the earth w on a daily i just always pretended i
was some value i was the hero this was my story to be told
to someone who cared enough to listen to my timid whisper
you say i will be the support beam me up to new starship
exploration of the homeland the home of a home i never had
a whole mess of old crumbles and rich baubles its a world
we live on and i want to see it w/ you elizabeth

YLZBTH


make a fit
 twisted body
 i want to (  ...  ) trust ju-- ;(
mmff a stomach sound
  a tickle me a please i "am here"
to be
warmer
a waermrr she calls me "nothin' deer"
 or i am forest of tall reeds
weeds for chill me
calm the {   whispers something   }
bc i don't have enuf time to think i mean
i want to write poems for u el.
would blast thru glass w my mind
to kiss u i kissu i kissu i
said watching dark city
living in
space?? create a beach.......
hold me until i am holding me too
  w/ a rib heal a long dock to hold and catch wave
after wave
put fracture and cough cough in my biggest toe
 i will waltz thru heck
in a solar power suit
to see u

 

LISTENING TO PLAYLIST PAUL MADE FOR ME


i mean it's mostly lil b
 

MATHIAS GOES ON HIKES W/ DOGS.


where dey??
 all these feet prints paw me give me some paw
 i saw 70 sets of tracks all going north
  *wonder if dogs go north
     naw naw the birds shouut from sandhills i never
stop here i never see the rosies
posies
falling down w/ 9-5 disease
 hello fam
 hello i love my kids i whisper into the darkness of my future
  and a nothing echoes laff laff blaze a path
have to live alone
to take a bath
trust me here my hand floats thru a few poisonous leafy plants
this is where the mushrooms grow i mean
this is where i take my team
of two dogs
loose logs for me to rest my bigger than a wine bottle buttocks
who says change fell out of my pockets
    somewhere off a walk
     please find my face coined in the forest floor
      the desert of where aral sea was was
  we can't follow iceburg tracks down the great plains
i mean what makes them so great??
 the millions of buffla??
or the trains.


 

mom

ya i know a few ppl who have smoked meth
i bet u do 2
crack??
that's dad's belt
who called the firemarshall
why is he checking my ass cheeks for bruises
where will we put the christmas tree

 

whats poem???


read pussy in sand
tell villager who knows who the sungod

break sticks break the weakest mans bones
over yr knee and eat the brains off him

call yr mother
say mother i forgive you for bringing me here

the world is a crust
filled w/ hot magma

she says love like it is a bird abt to fly
into the window of a strip mall

i make money
so i can live in my money castle

there are more dogs than  humans or maybe
there are too many humans
to make sense of what words are

words are just trees tht cant grow
because we kill them

we take our axes out of the shed
we tell our sons to go back inside

a wave is a wave isa  wave is a wave is a wave is a wave
at hello neighbor hello golden rule

i will kiss the fence
your ass rests on

tell me dear professor of death
when will i publish the inside of my skin

i have mapped out
heaven w a needle and

VYVANSEISSUPERADDERALL
BLUEBERRYREDBULLIS
BLUEBERRYFLAVOREDREDBULL


what is a dark place
what is wrong w/ the sugar
where can you get enuf energy to split a tree w yr bear hands
call cleave me my lip spread
the smell of meat ground to an equal ammt of meat
but it seems so chewed
spit down the throat by the world
im like in my office chair thinking abt how much jerkey
mtn men ate
50 lbs a day or some shit??
*drinks diet coke
come on am i a vegetable/? looking at faces of humans alive
wwalking thru like they aren't scared of deth
kid cudi quit smoking marijuana
method man too
gza rza
i took a quiz to see which member of the wutang i would be
but i don't (smiles)
look in the mirror say you ugly genius
slide on jjeans get skinny super skinny feet my bones
i need to bea  pretty awful hider
i need to kiss yr nipples
take my shirt off bc i dont care what a cover is for
i am just old book smell
i want to stand under an umbrella w you
neck and neck and jawline too
pills online dinner parties thinking abt the soviet union
look up abandoned resorts i can become a pirate
if i have enough gold and a boat and a thirst for what ever pirates do these days
lounge a lot i think and talk to monkeys
sippin coconut liquor
its 88 degrees in november
swimm in a half full pool
we let the leaves float
move to a new paradise when we're done

PETE ROSE


ate a scone
drank a latte
not sure how i feel i feel like i ate
a scone and drank a latte
pete rose said he would
"WALK THRU HELL IN A
GASOLINE SUIT
TO PLAY
BASEBALL
AGAIN"
i am listening to bright eyes sing a happyish song
it is cold it is nebraska it is october
people talk abt sky in october
or when its not october they talk abt the sky in october
and idk i think i love nebraska
i think nebraska is all there is and
everything is the movies or a beautiful memory of some world
me as a boy thought existed
i miss ditches and big sky when im away for awhile
my beard is growing back just in time
i think
to myself
and this is the first time in awhile i have had a girlfriend
its going great
i write home to nobody
theres nobody there or what i mean is i have lived in so many places
all over nebraska
some girl said she moved 6 times and it was crazy
i hate moving but i cant stop
i dated a girl once who said she was part gypsy or something
i think she lives in washington
i gave her my gold volvo and she ruined the engine
i only saw her a few times after that
i miss her cat
i dont even know what im saying now
i guess what i mean is i wouldn't walk thru hell in a gasoline suit
to do anything really
my life seems like fall and october skies and smells like burning wood
burning fuel burning pete rose flesh
why baseball even i mean why basebal i mean y bbal base
bllue eyes radio head smart phone
where was i when i first heard a modest mouse song oh i remember
the street in a town i lived in
talking to this guy i havent seen since high school
one time he and i snuck into the art room after school was out for summer
and took all the pottery students left behind
and went out to a cornfield to hit everything with baseball bats
it hurt my hands pretty bad
feeling the vibrations thru the metal bat as it destroyed art
but i am wondering with nearly 30 years under my belt
why am i still
thinking abt
being in love
with my past
or something
im at a movie with my girlfriend and we are holding hands and its clammy and we duck down in our chairs and we kiss and its usesless to follow plots
our bodies are hollow when we dont have guts
and muscles and all that shit
important stuff really
when you think a body is what you need
or a friend or a bison who is your friend or all animals are your friend
ride across the great american desert they say it
is beautiful on the great plains
and it is
 

AND SOMETIMES I AM ALWAYS WRONG


and what if I AM THE WHALE W/ A LITTLE MAN
   LIVING INSIDE OF MY GUTS
    who is my god???
  i will jizz into his ear w/ the force of a million earths oceans
   DIE WHALEGOD i spit on gods
 i spit on my dog one time
 i think abt that every time i think abt how my dad killed my dog
i loved that dog so much and i am so sorry i spit on you
AND I HAVE NEVER THROWN A PUNCH
 i am afraid of being hurt and i dislike rage but i feel rage
   say i am a pacifist like idk i hate violence but i feel violent
sometimes

AND MAYBE I AM WRONG SOMETIMES



sometimes i feel a monster
    i think a poem for my dead uncle
    i said the bear i knows name was rick
i dont know a bear
  sometimes i am the insane-o
OH!
 the last hammock i swung in laying still
  listening to whatever music i was listening to
   at that time i really have no memory
   probably neil young
     but,
OH!
   the last hammock i tripped balls in
      my first acid trip
    from /whatwas his name/ the kid
 who loved our poetry
 gave me a hit of acid in the old wateringhole bathroom
 he said hey FYFE come here
 i have something for you
 aand of course i took it
 

PETE ROSE


i think im going to drink tonight
 

SOMETIMES MY MIND


grow dolph
in my surf space wave outttter
otters, sea
where are all the animals at the henry do--
its loose, its pain spelled in symbols
are me a poetry
lol 420
i was gassy in front of my girlfriend??
i am human :/
i see humans sometimes and my brain becomes
an ugly grey
say everything is grey until
you crash
write poems abt every car that hits you
every time your father hit you
every time he used sounds to scare
his children
all off being humans
going to die someday
this is the end of my lunch break
i went to sp ce
and sat there trying to get my MIND ok
texted elizabeth
back, thought abt her face
cant wait to see that again
read a poem
abt my mouth to carl
and texted him the audio file
im listening to tupac
have to work
its friday
:D

PETE ROSE


need someone to be in a gasoline horse costume
to gallup thru hell w/ me
not for money this is a love of the burn
 wince when we spit down our own throats
 

PETEROSE

 

HAWKSLEY

oh
 

  from me

  the glass i dance my head thru a rolling ton of steel

        me anothr crumbling story of boy meets

somethin somethin a canal a one seventy five skol
 

i am a sugar      drum thudding thru  tall    nebraska grass

c ornfed falling   in my   dreams

 
overly sensitive bc  i was a hidden hand in the type type

  tippy tap  a shout  thru walls

 
 a  house   is

 
a  house   is    a moving frame

 i am windows i am made of nothing but windows
 

bang on the glass
 

w ake me up from my    steps  away

         who a worthless sing

who a hands       stretch to hold small bird

back bridges to my standing in a quiet

 
  i am nest

   oh and wings and sky is so beautiful beautiful

    i keep looking

HOLD ON, WE'RE GOING HOME


my new home will have nothing but bear rugs
bare floors i mean skinned knees in streets
is it raining??
i want to keep this motion until we can't can't stop
not walk into painting of place to go
side of mtn.
my eyes up and down the facade of tunnel me more
into new china, new girl
i love
good abt the way i climb trees it'sa breeze
and say here i am in this place w/ these ppl and you
and i think to tweet something
or i want music in my ears
i want to feel pills and booze numb my body downinto
a windy chair a sleepy bird  take me over the trees
in a catbus a lunch trip a hallucination of you holding my body
up against redwoods and shit
i want to be in fog
i want to vote for someone i love
i want to talk into the night abt watching your mouth move
text me and i break into smiles
rt me and i break into smiles
come closer and closer until your as close as i can say
to perfect lips are on me
i said maybe play kendrick lamar
in this voice like i was being sarcastic i am so dumb sometimes
i have been listening to nothing but kendrick
since we had him on and on in the car in omaha
so drunk so many bottles of jameson
is what im saying is a catch you a feet on the dash i
know we aren't lost
where we at
the streets keep changing
is it raining?
i whisper at oleavers and i mean it i want to be invited to a place
where i can dance w/ you
where can i see you hold you kiss you be closer be closer until nothing
be nothing be nothing be nothing
haaaaaaaa!!!!!!
AND I AM A TREE STANDING ON THE SIDE OF A ROAD
WATCHING ALL THESE KILL BOXES FLY PAST ME
i am a sitting boy on a sitting branch
i am the bird i named and the other bird who died
shortly after the first one died it was so sad
she kept flying out the door but she always came back
i wanted to kill my dad for so long
but just the idea just the idea of he as a me in my life
so i did or i am in some new universe of my body
morphed by wind and drug and boose and so much sitting
in a chair all day making CA$H for some people i don't know
where my new house at
where my new cave
where my babesquad
where my lover
where pauls voice
where my dinner
where my liver
where my knee like my moms knee like my moms birthday
take her out for dinner tell her i love her
cry every time i think about how the world ends when we end
when we end
its a bad movie
nobody stays for you know
im weepy and listening to kanye sing about gold digging women
want to get back to liquor pool swimming
want to put the potions in my blood
follow a road of me to the beginning
i mean the zero
where it isn't all we know and see and feel and chew
our brains are mountains of dirt
just moved earth
justy moved the earth off his shoulders
shit doesn't float or he cant swim he just lays there with his arms
against his side little red chest lizards run around on stone
waiting for a hand to pluck me from the teardrop
and toss me as far as i can fly w/o the help of machine
or hallow bones