29 January 2014


tomato soup dripping from my mustache
onto my corduroys
i still feel coffee in my blood
hear the outside
i sled down snowy rivers on a hill
she returns mouth
say i saw a man
say say enough to sound like speaking
cat w/ no front claws paws on my leg
read into bones no the vibration heals
its ear on the tracks
listen to the killing machine thunder
you can count distance
between light
the strike
and deth of us
sad everyone world in the sad everyone is all the time a sad world aka a sad world aka a sad sad sad sad everyone

wash hair cut hair remove hair let it grow
a dirty hippie
a socialist a communist will not watch mtv
yo! racism
yo! the miseducation of me and my award winning brain
yo! the pope is still the pope
yo! i have not trimmed my nails in days
yo! i am poetry
yo! colors are here to trick your mind
because you are a human
capitalism is a disease
winning a grammy does not make racism go away
it doesn't mean anything
yo! burn a bridge
yo! destroy the railroad
yo! i dream about a virgin landscape
yo! i am a human i am a mutant i am a crawling bug
yo! alcohol is what
bad for you?
what is more evil the evil in my teeth or the evil in my ears
yo! what is good
tell me where you have been all my life
remember commercials from your childhood remember how everything tastes
remember how much you wanted
little grabby hands grabby for light
yo! everyone is sad
yo! we are tools w/ tools
yo! who cares about the moon
yo! who cares about life after death
yo! white america shot tupac
yo! puff daddy?
yo! americas next top horse shit
yo! reality
yo! i am digging to "china"
yo! read abt all these beautiful places in china
yo! the third longest river is in china
yo! i will probably never go to china
yo! i am slowly decaying
yo! time is not real we are just experiencing decay as our bodies are slowly pulled apart by gravity and radiation and shit
yo! i want to go back
yo! to the dinosaurs
yo! in fiction they say if you go back too far you will die
yo! lies
everyone is sad everyone in the world

up all night on vyvanse and klonopin drinking too much jameson
smoking inside because the roommate who doesn't smoke is in omaha
started smoking again people ask if i lost weight i say yes
even though its coming back i say the winter does this i am sad
talking to my psych teacher in high school abt how i am sad
always looking for a father never finding one show my football coach
a pic of my gf say see aren't you proud of me isn't she beautiful i am
not a failure i am not a drunk or a terrible father alone in a trailer
somewhere south of valentine killing myself dying my grey hair blonde
wearing all white low top chuck taylors hello father in tennessee for
no good reason but fear i asked that girlfriend i was so proud of if i could
practice taking her bra off and she said no and i asked her if we would
ever have sex and she said she wanted to wait til she was married and
i asked if we would ever get married and she said no so we dated for
another year. but there i was on too much of things at 3 or 4 or 5 am
and my mind goes to a black hole that hawking says doesn't exist but
what was he thinking from his robot chair idk he calls it his greatest
blunder and i can sympathize i said life is like a game of chess i said
do you know how to play chess because i think most people have an
understanding of chess but don't really play it but say they know chess
and she was angry and i said that life was a stale mate because we die
we know we die and there is no way for us to win but this doesn't make
me sad though it does but it makes me angry it does make me sad
i just get so confused when i want to hate god and not believe in god
at the same time who can i hate. nobody. nothing. money. white men,
like me i mean not me but i am, god white man money nothing nobody
etc. like this title i mean i regret titling this title of this poem w this title
haha a poem? but this title is from a thing that was a poem that has nothing
to do with this poem maybe? w/ this poem mb. when i was 6 in a mall
in south florida i told my brother i prefer when girls wear thong bikinis
because i like to see their butts but i don't really know where that even came
from I'm not sure how many butts i had actually seen i mean this was before
the internet and long before my family had the money for a computer
that could use the internet i saw porn for the first time when i was in the 4th grade
i remember seeing porn in 4th grade and being amazed at the window to sex
at such a young age i was going thru puberty and masturbating the summer
after 4th grade it was so strange being tall and hairy and my voice changing
i thought i was bad i thought i was sinning when i touched myself
i slept w a bible under my pillow because my parents let me be raised by
insane people in churches and punishment and fear….. 
a meditation

it is 2 past noon
a cat on my lap
nearly 30 lbs
i should know i feed it
drinking coffee from the back of the mug
near the handle
i think that i prefer it this way
lick drips sliding down the outsides
i miss the rain
read the last page of a book before i read the first
except w ones i intend to be surprised by
or am i
a fisherman
black     what was it, the noise?
purring kitty in my lap
sleeping girlfriend 
4 past noon
know its cold outside
wonder how cold is it?
lick the drips wipe my mustache
or who
where can a question be
when we wish to remove our own face
my grandfather died
and when i say my grandfather i mean the one i spoke to
not the one who had his legs removed
i don't know
who he is
and dead and made my father cry
i don't speak to 
the cat is purring and i pay much attention to its head
keeping it propped up w my right arm as  type a poem
my lower left back is hurting 
drink coffee
listen to cars drive by

21 January 2014


was told i have good ankles
and pose
as a saltlic
i am here in this warm house waiting
you text me abt it being so cold
and it is cute
at some point in the recent past
humans decided that fire places
are not needed
i was going to write "i want to wrap
myself in expensive cheese
& kiss you"
but i mean how did disney add music
to poor people
and all of the sudden we dance
the cat is meowing or making some sound
im not sure where most of the things
i used to own now are
i like to remind myself of very little