ugly

i am rarely
and i am husky

or i have too many pockets
my hands in all of them at once

i hate when you are screaming
things

i hate when i say i am hating
things

i thing the sky things thinking
what were they thinking

when they made me
or they they'd me

like a sack of lost wash socks
stuck in the back of the wash

scrubbing the bubbles off my eye balls
so they shine like baubles

i want to drape
around your neck

i want to
be a universe

with stars and dust and stars and dust

and nothingness

everywhere

else

when i was your age Chris Weber was still a planet

was i dumbed for berry hands
shaking puppy dog dry

my juicy pulp when you bite
is only a mixture of other tasteless things

log my trunk rings into song
sped up much faster to a whistle

i stopped growing several years ago
but i still change size

in and
out of my skull

swelling under snow soak
my teeth bones jiggle loose in melt

i slimy or i can always do more
i ooze and keep secrets of mutation

call my brain a wet hound
then sniff and sniff and sniff

your glass eye meets my tongue
i said i would swallow darkness

i said i would remove my jaw
to fit your head safely inside me

why am i still smelling vanilla
body spray or when will you erase

my life is a tree full of fruit
and sometimes it has no fruit

i was not ready and i am scared
that all the buildings i have been in

will be torn down before i die
it's nothing right

it's nothing to read about Buddha preaching
it's nothing to be afraid of nothing

or i am everything
or there is a void inside of my head

is why i am really making an effort
to stop calling zeros os

and to think having anything is only nothing
and hope or terror or the next day

with a great big smile on my face
i will write poems about how much
i love all of you

collecting shark teeth on the beach at night alone

as i am going to die
there are only mirrors to refract my laughing
lines

about who can say "knows me", or do you miss
the morning before
or waiting for the next sun to rise

i know now too
poetry is not a weapon
no matter how sure you are of your poisonous pen

like i can type a bullet
or ball hate into my fist and pound out why
the loves of my lives have left me behind

or dear lord and savior and Barack Obama
please hear my angry sword
clanking dull against my skulling mind

kuzma

i am swimming through a mountain
i am drowning in my own mind

my brain hurts and there is yelling in my veins
or i dunno what i am stupid drinking for

look at all this forgotten land
beneath the ocean

when it's not growing and the grass, grass, grass
look at my face when my brother is dead

i can forget an easy hole
no locamotive punch through my chest

and i can never say
that i am younger than him

i guess it's the wiped ass of a demigod
i guess what grass isn't

and knowing is what life is
and smiling is what death is

and i will grin my widest at the devil
let him know how glad i am to finally see

nothing

100 mph

how fast can i lose a million dollars
in a second
does i stutter
i had a dream i was stoned
i never dream
then i am awake
and i dance acriss cross water
with my pants and baseball jersey reversed
i want to put my hands
in the ocean
squeeze the land out of them
stretch the web and swim into hurricane season
see you maybe weighted down in jewelry
thousand dollar bobbles
i got three paychecks on a table
i got my life on scales
i got my whole life ahead or i have
a lot to learn
like how to survive new york city
how to be happy
how to be zen as a dunk
the second before the sting of the rim on your hands
reminds you to land

maintain is a good wave, talking moon


i never wanted to save you
wanted to see you stand in the furnace

walk out

on me there is a heavy weight
of dead mes

all i want is to be the most unzen because
i am human

but as a great man once said
I AM NOT A HUMAN BEING

i want to find peace with non existence
i want to stare blankly at the abyss

i want to hang out
on your birthday

and what do straight edge guys do
on their birthday

and i like chinese food quite a lot
or anything thats good

today is the day after pauls birthday
is what i am getting at

then i say
why do i cry so much

and you say
because you think it is

and it is
then it is not

i guess i am going to go
i guess this is where i see

you again
where am i taking

what am i going to

where did you put my skull tonight

i'm not blaming you

soap

i am dead
and you are grinning
i am dead
and you are grinning
i am dead
and you are grinning
and you are grinning

soap

drill me in the mouth with a
bulldozer
i love hearing the back up alarms of big trucks

crush me

i was a little brother once
and do you know

i can hear you
sometimes

like when you raise your voice
and it is a bubble

or several bubbles
filling up and over filling your eyeballs

and hey
do you know where vision is

like i mean
watching blind spots
like
trying to see the void
like
i am going to touch the sky
and say or shout or
tell me again why i am a terrible waste of anything
run me over with your car
quit smoking
i am dead
i am dead
i am dead

cant help i was born on a time watch

my this ways are getting heavy

my skelly just a dusty chisle

and i know

that me thinking i love somebody

is

i was at this party in west omaha when i was in college
and i remember thinking that this is what college is like
maybe
i played the interpol album turn on the bright lights
and i remember some kid saying that the music was bad ass
and i had this whole binder of cd's.

a door is
meaningless without walls
a door is
only a door when it can be opened
and walls are only used to make our universe
more cozy
on one hand
i am freezing
on the other hand
it is more than likely the same temp
unless you have one hand
in the oven
or on the sun
or is the devil
or your arms are miles long experiencing different climates

i wrote this poem
about blowing smoke
out of my brain

my brain is for digesting
or my brain thinks it knows what love is
or gets sad when love stops being
what it thought love was

and then there is the me laughing
and there is the me who knows things
adn there is the me who wishes he was still
a little boy in a small town throwing rocks
in the alley at cans and things that sound like cans

and i want to be so rich
and i want to see the entire universe
and i want to scoop out my skull like rainbow sherbert

one
color
at
a time

and without these glasses
my eyes wont slowly get worse
and without these glasses
i wont break my glasses
and without these glasses
nobody could ever call me four eyes

and if they did

i would not understand why

anyone would ever
want to hurt
me

so i hide in a closet
or just shut doors in my brain
turn off all the lights
and it gets cold
or warm
who knows

i shave my beard sometimes
i remember the first time
i shaved my beard
i went out into the living room
to see if my dad
would
notice

LISTEN:

i shout
or i am shouting
in distant galaxy far from every heavened spirit
can you hear
my falling
in the forest

i look like an aging human
so lost in my own voice
to forget that i am about to die

time is
ahead of us

who cares if your husband is honest
YOU ARE NOT YOUR HUSBAND

but one day
everything will unlove
and the walls will fall down
or be built
or think about an axe chopping wood
for the rest of time
like
there are all these
trees
that exist

and i am trying to understand
nothing
and when there is no more me
there will be no party
there will be no walls
no heat
no freezing
no doors
no gates
no pits
no fire
no gold

i am a noise
i am a whimper
i am a gust of wind
i am the no wind
still as an actors chest
when they are acting
dead
for the funeral

like kevin coster
in the BIG CHILL.

A POEM FOR ME

TODAY
I
HAVE
NO
CHEMICALS
FROM
CIGARETTES
IN
MY
BLOOD
I
GUESS

haiku

i thought

about all
the things i

turned them into colors
and
blew colorful smoke into the air

with my eyes
i moved

outside
through glass
and watched

float away

no title

chest brain engine powered on somebody

looking directly at you

in a way that makes you assume

they really do give a shit about why you are so scared

all the time

is ahead of us

like if you are at the back of the train

and there is all this train

just tracking along

but then it ends and you get off the train

and you realize you

are still alive

TREE POEM


ADD A LITTLE FRUIT TO YOUR BRAIN

EAT MY NUTS

WHOA

MAN

WHY WOULD ANYONE NEED TO OWN

A FLAME THROWER

WHO IS CALLING ME

I CAN HEAR THE BUZZ OF AN INDUSTRIAL SAW

OR MAYBE

MY LOVER IS SNORING

IDK

TREE POEM

AND IM STRESSED HE SAYS
BUT I LET HIM KNOW HE
DOESN'T GOTTA SPLAIN SHIT
WE JUS STANDING ON OUR GRAVES
MAYBE
PUNKS COME SAYIN
PAPER
LIKE IT'S EASY TO GROW ALL THIS MONEY

reincarnation

sometimes i am deaf
well there is this high pitch
tone in my right ear

there is something that makes me think
about this

about asking someone to turn the rap
down

or about losing control of the car
the rumble bars outside of the duplex

i died once
thought maybe i was karen carpenter

you look like a skeleton
to me

and i throw up every morning
one time

and it is almost valentines day
i guess

heading up to minneapolis after a freezing rain

wonder
how many people i am sometimes

on my birthday in 1994
i was living in columbus nebraska

senna died
rip

i am a racecar driver

T-Pain Blues

was i a demigod
before i was stone cold master

of my own life
of my
own

tell me what you do when some guy
gives you lemons

or some woman
gives you lemons

or if god was one of us would be a great
song
to mix

like ice
and
water

tell me what you think about when you are crying
T-Pain

does it sound like
the rain forest restaurant at the Mall of America

what's that
i can't hear you over the shopper stampede

lil wayne

who i
change a

thought
Obama

you were gonna

skip

my name was
and i

do not
or is'nt

a human being

things
die
things

can be skin or dust or cum

a memory
future

where
were you

in ten billion
seconds

stop breathing

breathe
the air
for me

my lung is
as much

a god

jupiter

a smaller place

absent

a voice or

can you still hear me
if i

i am
a tree

athletic identity

twitter poem

i am talking

i would like you to know what i am doing

this is me still having fun i am smiling

here is a picture

dm: i miss all of my friends

laughing

hey do you see me

do you

send light beems my way

breathe you with nothing

i have never gone hunting

i have never gone fishing

i am going to die in the mountains

if i was alone in the mountains for months

hi

i guess i would like to say hi to you in the morning

my friends are all older

i remember 2006 like a ghost

my favorite bands are boring and dead

i eat junk

have you googled me and watched youtubes

there are small scars on my hands and face

i love tron

i am tweeting again

i can say

i am just talking to my friends a fast as possible

i wish i could tell everyone i see

what i am thinking

and then hug them

or high five

chest bump

lets fucking party

i am getting stoned
i stopped tweeting
i say i love
i dont give a damn
i give a billion rivers the width of an old dying star
i can stop eating like my dad
i can be a skelleton
i can close my ears until you leave

nest

off-path
covered
dirt boat

my beard
hung

w/ twigs
and prairie flower

arranged to remind
a million
miles
of sky

you
ocean i
can hear the other
side

of atmosphere

singing
when a storm
the size of god

rains

or darkness
or sun returns

call me
pheasant

i would like
to dance
barefoot
in the summer

if i could
sit in a field

or see you running

profile, oh

my darling my darling my darling
i think when i am walking

if only my thinking was talking
your ears or i'd nibble

a neck wrapped around a neck
watching the city grow into more cities

farmer

your rib
cage & still
kiss places
of you
buffalo track
graze
darkened skin
just
above your hips

we are in season

small hairs
grow
down
middle of
america or else
your chest
around nipples
my mouth paws
rabbit trail
or
i am guessing

what glows

no this is
not
my howling
i can
only move
like a coyote

bend

thank your thighs, alright
so i say things like;
your hair isn't curly,
when you wear white socks &
black shoes i keep my thoughts
to myself, put one hand below
your rib cage & still kiss places
of you that look like boys.

we moved in
for ryan jenkins

shotgun shells over
mound of dirt--
as a play place
whether you're going
here, or
here,
or it's gravel road for miles. and dirt.

humid summer suffocates
drenched in sweat
feel
acrid reek of sheep farm
a country mile
to the east
seep between
the cracks of your leather

half indian boy
swims in a river
wanders into the neighbor field
step on fresh manure
walls you can feel a breeze through
hear the expanding plain
stretch you
from falls city to scottsbluff

whip of wind
against
white washed walls
is nothing
to trouble
pioneer family
drags behind
because this
is a temporary stay
it will pass.
all of it.

body

start to feel your gut organs pulsing uncomfortably
in damp darkness

from chomping and chugging pocketfulls of candy
your eyes

and then you


i guess what i'm saying is

what i'm saying is

answer with yes about what i know
the city makes you gravy
i
graduated college

was born
again

feel one thing harden and shut down
like a lung or a kidney

i guess my parents fucked once
or thought love was a thing you could find
and i

died one day
you might read
if words are still in my name

maybe i'll clone myself and say dear clone
please read my poetry
please love who i was

or i can know that what i say
is as important as what everyone says

then my poems are already being
and always have

hoover dam

once i saw the hoover dam
sometime after sun down

in a long line of cars
slowly moving into nevada

i thought about dying
i thought about donkey kong country

i dont know what else to say
about it

love poem

think of you as words
and the pressing of small fingers on my neck
i guess i could
meet you anywhere to smoke a cigarette for a few minutes

i would kiss your jaw line
right now
or just stand a few feet away through glass
i remember every second i breathe

water displacement 40th attempt

eyes are seeing
pocket skull deep into the orange pulp of sun cakes
or this mind of mine is a winding clock
is an anchor
heavy as a heavy rock
the size of anything
and then
a sinking ship sits
like an ass at the bottom of the most water
i have ever
swam in
i am swimming
like a happy dog
fur as heavy as bones
as much weight as a solid gold dog
or a melted gold dog
i cannot be funny every second of the day
i cannot figure out
the world
do you know if you are told something is true
it is true until you google it
or do it
or do it again
like a damn genius
like a magician making magic happen
its all magic smoke and magic mirrors
i have no idea
how a television works
i am thinking
if i shake as fast as possible
i might cook from the inside
but i am just sitting here at the bottom
of nothing
shaking like an idiot because its so cold
i guess
in february
i miss you or something
i wonder if there are any good movies to see

wish i was as cool as someone


i shook all over at the black jack table
you can hear my oldest bones breaking
if you put your ear down the the green felt table
i will say
i am not dying
because
i cannot
spend
i
am dying
because i am spent
and your eyes look up at my silly cowardice
like i am some kind of wounded monster
slowly cooking from the inside
the smell of
my organs
is gross
and your mouth drops open
losing control
you
sink

lara croft nude code

i remember being in houses a lot
wonder if gods got a god to be like
like mike
jordan, it hurts when you know
i have nikes on
i wish i had nikes on
i am afraid of wearing my nikes in public
because i might get murdered over these kicks
do you
walk around a lot
i mean did i just watch that youtube video
title: did jesus christ learn buddhism
of course
i didn't
but it really got me thinking
about how i said
loving you was looking at a beached whale

haiku

i wish i was rich
so i could buy all my friends
a set of gold teeth

haiku

catch pump dribble stop
pass to the post and screen off
for the pick and roll

haiku

i told you mountain
you grew a volcano in
my lavaless chest

haiku


kiss me you idi-
ot my mouth is whistling
a song for our face

haiku


my generic fuck
the drowning son of a bitch
in the vast ocean

gut rot

i am hardly bullying and
i am not a library
i spell things wrong a lot
i feel really terrible about it
i sing like a dumb dog
i am lazy in the morning
dislike tap water
but god i want water so bad
it's like i need
to be flooded
or when i used to drive cars
i used to think about driving
off into the ditch
and to me this always seemed
like a hillarious way to die
was so young back then i guess
death just seems funny
like once the movie is over
i will never win an oscar
won't even be around to see people
walk out and stand in front of the theater
wondering what the hell just happened

yard waste

so this is my big shit grin
and this is my tin man
friend with no heart
or he couldn't think what he loved with
or he kept talking about all this blood
in his body
that just pooled in the limbs
sloshing around when he danced at the club
and i guess he's real lonely
but he's got a lot of thinking to do
on why he should think
this is the one
or this is the one
or this is the one
or this is the one

haiku

this is me
staring at you through twenty feet of dust